You’ve probably never heard of William Ellison, but he truly was a remarkable man. A Black Slave in the antebellum age of the United States who became one of the wealthiest business owners in the South while slavery was still legal. In fact, he owned over 60 slaves himself. The chances are you did not hear about this person in your high school classes and this is probably the first time you’ve ever heard the name. But Why? You see, playing the race card in politics is a lot easier when your audience suffers from mass cultural delusions and inescapable ignorance. Political and social opportunist groups love the fact that they can prey upon your unexamined guilt to move their agenda forward.
Instead of taking an opportunity to imbue ourselves in the richness of history and gaining a true perspective on how the evolution of human society unfolded over our timeline, we’re once again steeped in the nonsense of politically charged race baiting assholes who revel in the fact that they can manipulate you with fear of becoming a social pariah until you suck their cocks and kiss their asses. It’s bullshit. The irony of course is that the more you comprehend about the nature of history and the world, the less influence these so called “historians” have over you.
If you’re going to research your history, do it boldly and honestly. Acquiring knowledge isn’t for everybody, no, but if you’re going to dabble in the arena of intellectualism, at least know your facts. Instead of striving to be one of these assholes who insist upon digging up the past purely to aggrandize your propaganda arsenal, perhaps try to attempt to learn what actually happened in reality simply for the sake of knowing what happened in reality. Fearlessly examine every angle without having your strings pulled by another politically correct fuck who is more interested in converting your beliefs than offering you priceless knowledge.
DISSENT IS PATRIOTIC SHIRT, $12 BUY NOW
Behaving yourself is unamerican. Find a cause you REALLY believe in, and fight for it. If you find something wrong with your government, speak out. The entire premise of our nation’s philosophy is built around resistance to tyranny. Doing what you’re told to do despite the fact that you know it is wrong is the antithesis of our lifestyle. Today you can own a shirt that we specifically designed to convey this message as a reminder to get the fuck up and fight back. You are in good company if you do. This shirt comes in black and cardinal, sizes small thru 2xl printed on 50/50 dry wick by gildan. Good quality, highly expressive, manually screen printed apparel for the upstarts and intellectual badasses. Enjoy,
In the 2005 classic, Thank you for Smoking, the merchants of death (the m.o.d) seen above talk about how you can beat an alcohol breath test by sucking on activated charcoal tablets.
After much research, it is suggested that you can lower the reading on a breathalyzer by sucking on activated carbon, but it would have to be in such a large quantity that you’d never get away with it anyway.. Sucks.
Anyway, while doing my research, I noticed a lot of idiot commentary on many article’s comments sections with a few very intelligent people who think they’ve really figured it out. .. The best way to beat a breathalyzer:
Don’t Drink and Drive!!
Do me a favor….shut.the.fuck.up
Seriously, telling somebody that the way to beat a breathalyzer is not to drink and drive is so fuckin’ stupid.
It sickens me that these assholes actually patted themselves on the backs for being the first ones to be so clever to provide this answer. You had a 50/50 chance to say something that wasn’t completely fucktarded and you blew it.
You are the boy scouts who tell real men not to fuck when they’re horny so they can avoid STD’s. You don’t want a baby? Don’t fuck. Hahah, yes! we figured it out! How come you didn’t think of this before?
All life involves harm, learn to accept this reality. For most of us, life also involves a good time here ‘n there. Nobody likes you nor wants you around nagging them with your bullshit while they’re tryin’ to have a good time.
Stay off the road, stay indoors where it is safe. We don’t want you driving next to us when we’re drunk cuz you’re always the fuckin’ douchebags we end up hitting. 2am – 4am should be drunk driving hours…
If some dude gets wasted and crashes into your yard gnomes, THEN we’ll punish him, trust us.
Here’s my drinking and driving message:
be cool if you’re drinkin’ and drivin’.. . don’t want to miss sunday pizza and the charity car wash .. those poor cheerleaders need new uniforms bro.
Remember the Carter Family, Johnny Cash, Hank Williams Sr. Lulu Belle and Scotty.. country, bluegrass and blues? Yeah, probably not.. but if you did know of it you have my condolences, because that country is dead.. and behold its executioners….
- Mr. Momism
- Country vs City
- Nostalgic for Nothing
1. Mr. Momism — When you hear the Country music today it’s hard not to beg the question– Did it really go from the Cocaine Blues to Sippy cups and Booster Seats? Yeah, it fuckin’ did. Country music today paints the image of a quiet, suburban-rural neighborhood where good daddies and mommies raise their kids up right. The picture of a house where the crib is in the living room and the baby’s toys are all over the fuckin’ place and there’s a sink full of god damn baby bottles and some asshole kids watching Barney come to mind. This is country today. Middle aged women love it and think it’s so fuckin’ cute and adorable. Are you in your early 20’s and just had a baby? There’s a wholesome brand of music lamer than FDR just for you that’s PTA approved! I don’t begrudge anyone their lifestyle choices, and it’s probably good that some of these traditions are kept, but it’s so fuckin’ gay writing it into music that the words needed to describe just how gay it really is do not even exist yet. Oh, it’s a good image for new country!… and the fact that people actually believe this to be true is a clear indication that country music is dead.
2. Country vs City. When you were little, you probably read or had read to you books about how people from the city are no better or worse than the people who live in the country. There’s good that can be found in every landscape if you’re not a closedminded fuck. I love going to the country to camp and get away from it all. See the mountains, get some fresh air, get a good view of the night sky, enjoy some peace n quiet, etc. I also like going to shows in the city– tons of hot women, bar hopping, boats at the harbor, shopping sprees downtown, music festivals, drunken chaos and yeah, not being able to fuckin’ park anywhere but it’s worth it. God fuckin’ damn it, I love Babylon and all it’s glorious sin.
Don’t tell this to the country boys though, no fuckin’ way! They HATE the city. They HATE cityfolk. Every country song that boasts about how the country life is better than city life is another nail in the coffin of country music. Who gives a fuck? These whiny, bitter songs about hating fancy cars and cursing city lights simply cripples me with embarrassment. How many songs can you think of that go into such detail about how awesome city life is and how bad country life is? Probably cannot think of any, can you? IF you can, they’re not worth listening to, that’s for damn sure. John Denver’s Thank God I’m a Country Boy is all the world really needed. You’re supposed to be manly men.. why the fuck are you crying about those mean city people who make you feel bad and hurt your vaginas? You’re worse than a gaggle of nerds who get picked on by jocks. We get the fuckin’ point, kindly shut the fuck up about it.
3. Nostalgic for Nothing. So you want to live way back when, don’t you? The peaceful, innocent time when a hoe was just a hoe and a coke was a coke and crack was something that .. I don’t fuckin’ know. Let me ask you this very important question. WHEN did this time actually occur in reality? What time frame are you specifically referring to? and what the fuck are you talking about? Yeah, we like to think that society is progressively getting worse, and maybe it is in some sense, but there is no time in human existence that was so pure and perfect enough to make me think that today’s life has corrupted some kind of innocence we once had. If you ask me, and most people do, today’s average human being is far softer and emotionally weaker than people of the “olden days”. Compare Rome’s Colosseum to our NFL. People used to watch public hangings just for fuckin’ fun, and now we can’t bare the thought of somebody going without food, clothes or entertainment. We’re a bunch of fuckin’ pussies.
I like to call this short-sighted, emotional response The June Cleaver Fallacy. Do you remember when everything was so innocent, people talked out their problems, kids played together without shooting each other, there was no drugs or war or prostitution or gambling or drinking … and everything was in black and white? Bullshit. Your country music today is so nostalgic for a time that did not ever even exist. It’s phony, disingenuous, infantile nonsense that is totally contradictory to what Country is– The fuckin’ Blues.. that harrowing sense of deprivation and misery that you’ve actually experienced and can put into everyday language and music that for one instance makes you forget about how shitty your life is. Country music was all about authenticity, not some bullshit story you pulled out of your ass about the good ol’ days. The raw element of country has been clearly laid to rest with little chance of resurrection.
I’ve worked with a lot of vendors and small timers over the years and I really do love these people. They are creative, inspiring, intelligent, free-wheeling people who set so much greatness in motion that they will never really comprehend it. I’ve seen some of the best products come out of the smallest shops. There’s just one thing I will never understand– their inability to admit that they like to make money. Yeah, I’m all for the creative process.. it’s definitely not all about profit. I love art, philosophy, uniqueness, originality, etc, etc. .. but when your sales are high and you have tons of cash rolling in on a good day— you’re fuckin’ happy. Live with that reality.
Take a deep breath, relax, and admit that you’re a human being who likes, among other things, to make a fuckin’ stack of money.
Feels a little better admitting it, doesn’t it?